Why I'm Probably Still Single

Okay, just a little background info to understand the correspondence... 2 weeks ago I had a yard sale at my house. A neighbor who I'd never met showed up with his daughter. He's close to my age and divorced. We chatted. He invited the kids & I over for dinner that week. We went to dinner. I wasn't very physically attracted to him but we had a pretty good conversation. We hung out a bit the following weekend - nothing romantic, though I did let him rub my shoulders (which should never be construed as "I want to fuck you" when we're talking about a 39 year old single mom, who indeed really just wants a shoulder rub sometimes...).

Then, without warning, he started to smother me. Hardcore. 2 days of just coming over without calling, constant texting, etc. So this whole past week I blew him off, trying to be nice about it, hoping he would get the drift that I'm not interested. Plus he's a neighbor for crying out loud. So after a week of being ignored, not having calls & texts returned, being told I'm busy, etc., did he get the message? Well obviously not.

This morning he texted bright & early asking if he could come by and get the yard sale sign stencils I'd borrowed from him. We all know it was probably very URGENT that he have these back NOW, so I did what every woman in my position would do.

I went and grabbed the stencils then shouted "Z! Hurry up and take these down the street before X comes over! Hurry! Just go barefoot! Just wear what you have on! Hurry!"

Then I sent him a text saying Z was bringing them down.

Shortly thereafter, I received the following email, which made me throw up in my mouth a little...

Hey S,

I am a little confused. I have sensed a real cool-ness from you. I  just wanted to let you know that I think you are a remarkable woman and was really looking forward to getting to know you. I am not sure what if anything I did wrong or if I offended you in some way. If there is something I need to ask for amends for, please let me know. I wish we could be friends and at least be able to call on each other as neighbor and friend. If I am off base with this, please forgive me, I am only human and a dumb man doing the best I can to make a go at this dating world. 
I wish you well.


So, again, not wanting to be mean, I responded to his email with the following, which I thought would be the end of it. Keeping in mind that I've only known this man for 2 weeks and one of those weeks has been spent running away and hiding from him.

Hey X,

I think you're a cool guy too. I'm totally fine with us being friends, but was feeling like you wanted an insta-girlfriend - which I'm in no space to be at the moment - especially with someone who's my neighbor. I really need to focus on my business at the moment, and am somewhat of a private person, so just felt like I needed some space.

I'm sure we'll see you around and I hope there are no hard feelings.


But WAS that the end of it dear reader??? The answer is an emphatic NO! When I read his response to my email, I first had my skin crawl, then laughed, then went through intermittent feelings of being repulsed and amused. Seriously. I want to know what the hell this man is thinking???!!! You be the judge.


That’s great to hear. I do not necessarily want an insta-girlfriend either. I am more interested in having a lover. I too, am very busy right now with my own business and really should be focusing as much as possible on it. I think we made a quick start at forming some nice bonds and can appreciate your cold feet. It all seemed so nice and fuzzy as we talked about future possibilities. I talked with my sister and she thought it was too fast for us to have the kids together. I told her I was not sure if I wanted to see you romantically when I initially invited you all over. To be honest after our first date I was a little un-comfortable being around the children.(btw, I love your children, they are wonderful) and I am not sure that it is very helpful for them to have rotating parent figures in their lives. That being said, if you would be interested in having an occasional affair, midnight rendezvous glass of wine sans kids. I would love to be your go-to man. I definitely want to give and receive more back-rubs and other... The need for physical warmth with someone I can trust is all I think I can handle right now. I have enough personal issues that I am working on and through to keep me from seriously pursuing a girlfriend. Please know that I will respect your decision either way, and will not act weird around you in the future. I hope and trust you will do the same.

...You are amazingly sexy and would love to see you romantically.
Please don't feel the need to respond quickly, take your time and think about it. Your feelings may change. I don’t know about you but for me the hardest time is the evenings when I am alone. I am very attracted to smart women and I get the feeling your fucking brilliant.


Oh dear God! All of the words flooded through my brain! I wanted to point out that I'm attractive and have a vagina. I wanted to say young, pretty boys serve in booty-call role - not 40ish divorcee's with facial hair. I wanted to remind him that he had only known me for 1 week really. I wanted to tell him that his stalkerish ways made me want to move away from the neighborhood in the dark of the night. I wanted to tell him how inappropriate it is to call a woman "babe" after only knowing her for a yard sale moment and how even more inappropriate it was to smack her ass in passing in front of her 11 year old son which was the clincher on the necessary blow off to begin with. I wanted to say "in your dreams asshole" and I wanted to tell him he'd have better luck perusing Craigslist than pursuing me.

In the end, because I really AM getting better at this, and by THIS I mean conserving my energy for ME and not unworthy men; I settled for the following:


I'm not interested. See you around.


Short and sweet. Makes for a much funnier story at the end of the day, and makes me wonder what's in the fricken water around here.

Very happily single,
Msss. Jive

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Creative Commons License
It Started With A Wink... by Msss. Bonaca Jive is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.