My December 2008 Online Dating Profile

Given all of the recent action (and/or inaction) on my profile this past week; I felt compelled to change it. (I was also tired of getting *mostly* unoriginal and cliché’ answers to my questions. (Sigh…)

So with that stated, here are just some random thoughts and observations…

* I am so tired of adjectives used to describe ourselves that I want to projectile vomit. Let’s think of some new ones, or some nice metaphors, or maybe just our favorite Muppet character…

* If you are going to send me a message, please, for the love of God, Allah, Buddha & The Goddess Earth Mother at least make it slightly entertaining and/or interesting. How the he** am I supposed to respond to “Hey there”??? Is this Mayberry??!! A photo would be helpful too…

* Trust me when I say I’m secretly as horrified to be here as the rest of you – but I’m a busy broad with a business, a couple of kids, a life, etc. BUT – I am sassy and attractive (and I don’t have a side web-cam biz) - so, if your goal is to ultimately get into my pants, then you should be sassy and attractive also. If you’re just looking for a cool girl pal (like my new fab friend Pablo) – well that’s fine & dandy too, just be honest.

* I think it’s God’s cruel joke that men don’t seem to “get us” until they’re far out of their prime, while we’re right smack dab in the middle of ours. Ugh. Not funny…

* I look very good for my age so if you look old enough to look like you could even slightly resemble my father, I’ll probably think your oogie. (Yes I said oogie.)

* If you have any of the following, you will most likely NEVER see me naked (unless you come across my home birth video by some random act of fate.)
-Excessive facial hair including but not limited to large mustaches, blonde highlights, a rug or plugs, breasts larger than mine, numerous shirt-less photos or pics of you wearing only turtlenecks and/or polo shirts with the collars up, big hair, missing teeth, beady eyes, and/or tattoos covering the majority of your body.

* Along those lines, if you don’t share any of my interests, why waste our time?

* I don’t want to hear about your “scorned” love life, that you think I’m “jaded,” what you would like to do to or with my feet, or that you’re just a “mama’s boy looking for your new best friend.” That’s just wrong and disgusting…

* I am writing a book, so if we DO actually meet at some point, please know that names will be changed to protect the innocent (or the guilty!)

So… If you like/dislike lime Jell-o, dwarves, the color pink, My Little Pony, tic tac toe, Bambi, afros, and/or t-shirts with profanity - just drop me a line telling me why or why not.

Over and out.

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Creative Commons License
It Started With A Wink... by Msss. Bonaca Jive is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.