The story...

And so it begins.

I've had a pretty amazing life thus far.  Like many of you, I  met a boy in my 20's, had a baby, got married, then found myself divorced in my early 30's.  I was horrified to find myself thrust back into single land - and have the stories to prove it.  At the time, I lived in a pretty small town, so the "many fish in the sea" rule didn't really apply.  In fact, it wasn't even much of a pond or even a toilet bowl, but was more along the lines of a 6-day old dried up puddle.  My choices of men were a few meth addicts, some guys who lived in their cars, guys who drove pick-ups with gun racks named Vern, or the random new-age tantric master who at any given moment would have probably tried to make me drink some kool-aid and force me to make a suicide pact to meet our alien makers at the vortex.

So what did I do then?  Well I chose the seemingly "together" business owner, had another baby, found out he was really not who I thought he was, then ended up single again shortly thereafter.  The funniest thing he ever said was one day when we were meeting with a counselor to work on our communication issues so that we could effectively co-parent after our break-up.  (My idea - I admit.)  She had asked what led to the demise of our relationship.  After I had given her a very detailed account of what my issues were with him (which included the usual culprits - basically good ol' lying, cheating & drinking,) she said "What issues did you have with S in your relationship?"  Know what he said?  "S has a messy desk."  I of course burst out laughing and pointed out that my desk was messy when he started fucking me.  I'll choose my messy desk.  Thanks for asking!

It really doesn’t matter what I look like, or what I do for a living, or where I live – though it will probably come up.  What matters is that I, like the rest of us, have just been looking for a good “partner in crime.”  Someone who will cheer me on and call me on my shit, yet be able to pick me up and kiss me if I “fall and skin my knee” as my best friend AJ says.  Should that really be so difficult?  Well you tell me…

In a nutshell I am a late-30’s single mom with my own business and my own quirks.  I still get carded for lottery tickets and have been known to pick my nose when I drive.  Shhhh…

What I've found out on this journey, is that it's not as easy being single in this technologically advanced age as I thought it would be.  Online dating sites are the norm, texting has replaced talking, and men lie.  They lie a lot.

Fortunately for them, (but most importantly for me,) I have a very good sense of humor - because let me tell ya, this shit is so funny I couldn't have made it up! 

As I've been working on a book about this weird trek on and off, I've found there are so many funny side stories and smart-ass things I've wanted to say, it just made sense to start laying it all out.  Therefore, chapters of my book will be interspersed with other things I find silly enough to share.  When I think about this "tale," Sedaris injected with estrogen and carrying around a pissed off badger comes to mind. At least that's what I think.

So please indulge yourself.  Let my life be your form of birth control.  Enjoy the stories, rants, online dating hell sagas, stupid emails from even stupider men and funny and empowering strong chick stuff.  Please feel free to share your own stories, share this blog with others who would enjoy it, and laugh with me as I laugh at myself.

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It Started With A Wink... by Msss. Bonaca Jive is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.