tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87786442758490847912024-03-06T01:45:12.899-07:00It Started With A Wink...but should have ended with a poke to the eye with a sharp stick!
Let the record state that I am a wretched “dater.” WRETCHED. I blurt things out. I ask uncomfortable questions. I am awkward and very real. If I have to poop, I’ll probably tell you – even if it’s our first date. Even if we’re at dinner.
If the walls could talk they would most surely be snickering… But that’s me. And I like me.
Now on to the juicy bits.Msss. Jivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01327887325547338733noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8778644275849084791.post-58986287167663192192015-11-28T23:13:00.000-07:002010-11-28T23:19:47.347-07:00The story...And so it begins.
I've had a pretty amazing life thus far. Like many of you, I met a boy in my 20's, had a baby, got married, then found myself divorced in my early 30's. I was horrified to find myself thrust back into single land - and have the stories to prove it. At the time, I lived in a pretty small town, so the "many fish in the sea" rule didn't really apply. Msss. Jivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01327887325547338733noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8778644275849084791.post-11937845040335148622011-04-05T09:52:00.000-07:002010-04-12T10:39:33.469-07:00A New Study My Mama Thought I'd Find InterestingA study worth sharing with friends both male and female:
A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating or Msss. Jivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01327887325547338733noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8778644275849084791.post-59160177198985914112011-04-04T11:10:00.000-07:002010-04-12T10:42:06.790-07:00An Online Dating Message From Michael - And My ResponseHello, I'm new to blank.com. I must say, you're a beautiful woman. I truly enjoyed reading your profile. You seem like a great person. Are you doing anything interesting or fun this week?
Michael
My Response:
Hello Michael.
I AM doing some interesting and fun things this week, such as:
* Shaving a llama
* Rollerskating in a buffalo herd
* Collecting dingleberries
* Studying shmegma
* RidingMsss. Jivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01327887325547338733noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8778644275849084791.post-51411816327384877512011-04-03T19:10:00.000-07:002010-04-12T10:43:10.624-07:00Chapter Two - *Ben
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Msss. Jivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01327887325547338733noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8778644275849084791.post-51621818965835483752011-04-02T20:46:00.000-07:002010-04-12T10:44:44.073-07:00Online Dating Email Correspondence Between Me & "Spiky Hair"Spiky Hair: maybe more people would write if every pic you had except one did not have your face covered up, looks like you are in hiding.
Me: Hey thanks for trying to "help" or be "deep" or do whatever it is you meant to do, but honestly, I get about 15 emails a day - mostly lame - and I'm sure that if I were to throw my serious sassy glam shots up, it would be over the top ridiculous.
Msss. Jivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01327887325547338733noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8778644275849084791.post-89046603131907203232011-04-01T01:43:00.000-07:002010-04-12T10:45:29.307-07:00Pussy Power
Pussy Power is giving birth without any drugs – even though you finally asked for some, but by that time it was too late.
Pussy Power is knowing how to make yourself cum.
Pussy Power is being able to smile your way out of a speeding ticket without feeling guilty about it.
Pussy Power is having the nerve to say no when you need to, and not worrying about whether or not people think you’re a Msss. Jivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01327887325547338733noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8778644275849084791.post-15916531623541307852011-03-31T23:44:00.000-07:002010-04-12T10:46:20.141-07:00Why I'm Probably Still SingleOkay, just a little background info to understand the correspondence... 2 weeks ago I had a yard sale at my house. A neighbor who I'd never met showed up with his daughter. He's close to my age and divorced. We chatted. He invited the kids & I over for dinner that week. We went to dinner. I wasn't very physically attracted to him but we had a pretty good conversation. We hung out a bit the Msss. Jivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01327887325547338733noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8778644275849084791.post-26775683108430199132011-03-30T01:28:00.000-07:002010-04-12T10:47:38.559-07:00Old Eggs - New Tricks
So as much as I hate to admit it - my body is changing. As are my hormones. I am regular like clockwork baby, so when I started to feel like a boa constrictor was attacking my waist today and feeling kinda shitty all around, I knew that dreaded time of the month was upon me.
OVULATION.
I looked at the calendar, counted out 2 weeks from the 1st day of my last period and yep, jackpot - 48 hour Msss. Jivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01327887325547338733noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8778644275849084791.post-75204351764115884832011-03-29T01:04:00.000-07:002010-04-12T10:48:26.905-07:005 Clues That You May Be Dating a Narcissist and/or Sex Addict
1. He is left-handed. I haven’t delved into the research on this, but there’s something to it I’m sure. Maybe childhood trauma due to teasing from writing differently was the catalyst, I don’t know... It’s also mildly annoying to sit next to a left-handed person while you’re trying to eat because you keep banging elbows with them. All I know, is that none of my future ex-lovers are going to be Msss. Jivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01327887325547338733noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8778644275849084791.post-61585208435074147132011-03-28T00:51:00.000-07:002010-04-12T10:49:23.279-07:00A Lady went into a bar in Waco... (a joke my mama sent me)
A Lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen.
The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet are well endowed.
The cowboy grinned and said, 'Shore is, little lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?'
The woman wanted to find out for herself, so Msss. Jivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01327887325547338733noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8778644275849084791.post-87408737833570465372011-03-27T01:18:00.000-07:002010-04-12T10:50:17.772-07:00Pre-New Year's Insomnia Rant
So though I'm a night owl by nature, I seem to have insomnia more often as I get older. I'm wondering if this may have something to do with the fact that because time really DOES go much faster the older you get, that I simply need more awake hours to think as well as get shit done because I feel like I'm on some weird "warp speed."
I dunno.
What I DO know however, is that I was just thinking Msss. Jivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01327887325547338733noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8778644275849084791.post-68861883079980754502011-03-26T00:44:00.000-07:002010-04-12T10:50:56.468-07:00A New Little Ditty...(Sung to the tune of Home On The Range - lyrics provided so you can sing it once over the "proper" way before singing it the way more funner-er way!)
Oh, give me a home where the buffalo roam
And the deer and the antelope play
Where seldom is heard a discouraging word
And the skies are not cloudy all day
Home, home on the range
Where the deer and the antelope play
Where seldom is heard a Msss. Jivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01327887325547338733noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8778644275849084791.post-36408850045188693662010-11-28T23:15:00.001-07:002010-11-28T23:15:48.408-07:00An Earring, A Condom, And A Bottle O' Rum... Hi Ho Hi Ho...So there was this boy I really liked. I liked him aaalooot. We were having a rooooomance. At one point we called it off and were both seeing other people, but missed each other, so we resumed our roooomance. This boy lived in another city. The boy came to my city, and we even met up in another city, but then the time came for me to go visit the boy in HIS city. Msss. Jivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01327887325547338733noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8778644275849084791.post-33910665738720130472010-11-28T23:15:00.000-07:002010-11-28T23:15:01.022-07:00Chapter OneIt was the early spring of 2004. I was recently divorced and had just started my own business. My son was almost 5 years old, and I barely had enough time to shave my legs or masturbate, let alone meet new people.
“I know!” I thought. “I’ll try to meet people online!” The beginning of my surreal nightmare had begun. I set up a profile on a dating site and quickly became a “stranger voyeur”.Msss. Jivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01327887325547338733noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8778644275849084791.post-68467516552116090942010-11-28T23:14:00.001-07:002010-11-28T23:14:32.562-07:00My December 2008 Online Dating ProfileGiven all of the recent action (and/or inaction) on my profile this past week; I felt compelled to change it. (I was also tired of getting *mostly* unoriginal and cliché’ answers to my questions. (Sigh…)
So with that stated, here are just some random thoughts and observations…
* I am so tired of adjectives used to describe ourselves that I want to projectile vomit. Let’s think of some new Msss. Jivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01327887325547338733noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8778644275849084791.post-19373315516772695892010-11-09T00:46:00.000-07:002010-11-09T00:46:09.863-07:00April Online Dating Profile<!--[if gte mso 9]> Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]> <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
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mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4ptMsss. Jivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01327887325547338733noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8778644275849084791.post-78786969379420334192010-04-13T21:58:00.000-07:002010-04-13T21:58:38.163-07:00A Profile From A Man Who Winked At Me Today (And Owns A TRUCK!)I work very hard, and enjoy my days off at my home. I have lots of exictment and drama at work. I keep It there and NEVER, NEVER bring it home with me. I really have been there and back again. I have no disire to travel. Dancing is for people who have the energy I guess, and I rather enjoy my meals at home with a friend . Walks in the rain on the beach ...Well , how about sitting on my front Msss. Jivehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01327887325547338733noreply@blogger.com0